The Unexpected

A few weeks ago my mother in law, who is fighting lymphoma, needed to be hospitalized for an extended period. It was an unexpected turn of events and changed our lives for awhile. There was not much time for the gym, computers, detailed meal planning, blogging... Our focus was on her, but for now, life has pretty much returned to its regular routine.

It is hard to spend many hours in the hospital without eating poorly. The highlight of the day is going to the cafeteria for dinner. (and boy did they ever have some yummy choices) BUT! Thank goodness that they also had a fantastic salad bar! I was not perfect. I did not always make smart choices. I was however aware of what I was putting on my plate. Looking back in my food journal I hit 2500 calories on two days. ouch, but the rest of the time I stayed under 1600 so I am happy with that!

I have sure missed the gym! I am looking forward to my zumba class tomorrow. My weeks were not completely void of exercise though. I walked alot to pass the time.

Even so, I gained. Not a whole lot, but still!

What did I learn in the last few weeks? I learned that it is important to take the time to take care of ourselves. No matter what is going on in life, we can still make healthy choices, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator and choosing baked instead of fried. Simple choices that make a big difference.

Glad to be back!!!! :)

I Have Not Missed This Feeling!

Today started out great. I had my cereal with berries, coffee with creamer, wrote it down.

Doing well.

Went to Costco and passed by buying the chocolate dipped shortbread cookies that my girls were begging for. Also passed on all of the samples.

YAY. Felt proud of that!

Went through the Starbuck's drive thru and ordered a skinny latte when I really wanted to get a white chocolate mocha.

Still O.K

Barista was giving samples of the new mini cookies so we bought three. I gave them to the girls, they did not like them. I DID! and I ate all THREE.

O.K. not the end of the world. Forget about it and drive on.

Got home. groceries put away. lunch for the girls finished. Time to make my lunch. I had grilled chicken for my lunches this week and had fresh spinach that I had just bought to make a yummy salad.

Open the fridge.

Spy the leftover mexicano pizza from hubbys dinner last night.

Plated it. Microwaved it. Ate all five pieces :(

Sitting here trying to figure out what happened and feeling full, tired and heavy. Yuk. I haven't felt like this for a long time.

Through years and years of diet after diet, I waited for something inside of me to "click". You know when you just get that unstoppable strength and drive that you know is going to carry you to your goal. Well, click it finally did and ever since, I have been worried about losing that drive...that one day I will wake up and I will quit.

This is NOT that day!! I am not going to let it be.

pic from google

Bob and I are doing day 4 of the C25K tonight and even though I am going to be dragging from all of the calories that I burdened my body with, I am going to suck it up and go anyway.

I think I have beat myself up enough now. Time to slide off this couch and go outside to plant the beautiful lavendar that I just brought home! :)

Hope your day is treating you well!

Sometimes I forget that I am still overweight

Since I have been going to the gym, outside walking, eating well...I have been feeling so healthy and athletic that my weight has not been the first thing that I think about(which is usually the way it was with me).

This weekend we went to my Aunt's house and there are these chairs on her deck that I always avoid (they are tiny and evil). Well, I get my plate of salad, my one hot dog without a bun, balancing my iced tea and just grab a chair without even thinking. Yep, you guessed it...I sat right in the evil chair and pretty much felt stuck there since my thighs were straining out of the sides. ugh. It didn't make me feel THAT bad, but it did make me realize that this road I'm on is just beginning and that I am in it for the long haul. For reasons like being able to fit nicely into that tiny chair.

Anyways!

My husband was busy with helping family on Sat and Sun so we didn't get to do our C25K this weekend, but are going to the track tonight when he gets home. I decided to take the monster dog out for a long walk. HA! :) Not a good idea...every bird, cat, dog, car, you name it...he barked and strained towards it. It was a very SLOW walk. I didn't even sweat! I need to either teach him to chill out or leave him home :)

We just had a new fruit/veggie stand open up a mile down the road. I love it! Probably not a new thing to some, but look what I found!

Tiny little avocados! I put a big one by them so you can see the difference. I have never seen anything like them and am excited because it will help me with my portion control. When I cut into a medium one I end up throwing alot of it away because I usually only need 1/2 and I have not figured out how to store them so they won't turn brown.

I weighed in today, 1.5 pounds down! Really close 10 down now!

Tonight might be hard for me since we just got a package from relatives in New Jersey. There are goodies in there...like crumb cake, chocolate marzipan, etc... I guess I'll just have to remember that chair! :)

Hope your week is going well!

Spring Weather and Summer Salad

It is so pretty outside tonight! Bob and I went for day two of our C25K walk. Since it was getting late and we still had to do dinner we just went around the neighborhood. This was very hard for me, as I was feeling ultra self concious!! When I am on the trail or if we go to the track, I don't feel this way. I think it was because so many people were out working in their yards tonight and I was imagining all eyes on me...watching my wiggly, jiggly, huffing, puffing, beat red faced self. Most likely (more like 100% likely) nobody even cared or noticed. It's all me. My husband says that I am way too hard on myself. Probably. I am really working on that! :) The healthier my lifestyle becomes, the more confidence I am gaining, and that feels good!

When we got home we grilled chicken on the bbq and I made my favorite salad. My friend gave me the recipe last summer and I must have made it 1000 times. I change it up...sometimes I add jalapenos, sometimes I skip the onion, sometimes I add tomatoes. Sorry I don't know the exact calories! I roughly added them up and I figure about 130 per cup. Enjoy!

Fresh Summer Salad

15 oz can black beans
15 oz can pinto beans
15 oz can kidney beans
(rinse and drain all the beans)
15 oz bag frozen sweet corn kernels
small chopped red onion
2 chopped garlic cloves
1 chopped red bell pepper
1 chopped green bell pepper
(I always add a yellow bell pepper also)

The Dressing:
1 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp sea salt
1/4 cup canola oil
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
the juice of two limes
1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro (optional, but yummy!)

-Combine the top first 8 ingredients together in a large bowl.

-In small bowl whisk together the dressing ingredients. Pour dressing
over the salad and toss together.

This is good paired with grilled chicken or fish!

Hope you all had a good day :)

Rain, the Shred and Meals

With the non stop rain coming down, I decided to skip the gym and do the 30 day shred DVD. I really enjoy working out at home. I like the gym, too, but as I have said before it is nice to be able to crash onto the couch afterwards :) Jillian provided a good, motivating, sweaty workout! One thing that my body cringes at though, are the jumping jacks. J.J and my body are not friends. They make my knees hurt...bad, so until I am in better shape I am going to steer clear of them.

Yesterday my husband and I did day one of the C25K. It was hard for me. It was nice to have the prompts. He liked it and I liked it, so we decided that we'll do this together. We both have things to do tonight, so tomorrow will be day 2.

I don't know about you, but finding healthy dinners that everyone in my family will like and actually eat is something I have had a hard time with. My family is used to casseroles and now I am trying to make them eat grilled chicken, rice and steamed broccoli! HA!
I have been searching blogs for recipes to try and one of my favorites is Tj's Test Kitchen Last night I made THIS . It turned out SO good and everyone liked it! Thanks TJ :)

I have a ton of housework to do today and I am actually kind of glad to be staying home. It will give me a chance to get caught up on everything.

Hope you all have a great day.

On My Way to a 5K

Did you know that there is a phone application for just about everything?! I went in search of a C25K app and found calorie counters and food journals and all kinds of cool stuff to use on my "journey". My phone is kind of like my coach now! :)
Anyways, I am starting the C25K program today (as soon as my hubby gets home...he is doing it with me) According to the app...I will be running a 5K in 9 weeks or so. We'll see. I'm going to give it my best shot!

Monday weigh-in = -1.8  

I can't believe that I have already been at this for a month now. Time is really going by fast.

Yesterday I was stuck at home because my car is in the shop and I had nothing healthy in the house. That is a bad place to be! I forgot that I had bought these new flatout wraps at Costco, but I had nothing to put on them. Peanut butter and jelly to the rescue! :)  It has been forever since I have had PB & J. It was yummy and filling. The wrap (100 c) the PB (1 TBSP 90) and the jelly (1 TBSP 50) = 240 calories.

Well, I am on my way to the grocery store to pick up some things to fill up my empty pantry. I have a list ready and I find that it really helps me to avoid the temptation to buy foods that I do not need. (you know like chips, chocolate, ice cream, etc.). Maybe the sun will come out while I am in the store. It has been hailing here today and I really hope that it stops before we head out for our walk/run.

Have a Good Day!

Some Saturday Thoughts

Friday I only meant to stay for an hour at the gym and before I knew it, two hours had passed! I have been working on getting my speed up on the treadmill. As of now I am walking pretty slow (3.1) and at that speed I am not burning as many calories as I know I could if I walked/jogged faster.

Got on the Elliptical again and made it a whopping 5 minutes! HA! Still though- that is better than last time. I am hoping soon to be able to report that I made it 30 minutes!

There is a great machine at the gym that I can do stomach crunches on and for some crazy reason I can go forever on that thing and never get tired! I am paying for it today with very sore stomach muscles.

I'm curious about the C25K program that I have been reading about on various blogs. My girlfriends and I want to sign up for next years Susan G. Komen and since they are all in pretty great shape, I would like to be able to run with them instead of walking. I have over a year to get ready for this! I think I can do that :)

I find myself doing more and more of my walking outside. The weather has been so mild and the flowers and trees are all in bloom. The fresh air gives me extra energy! :)

my favorite pink dogwood!

Even when it is cloudy and windy!

on my walk last week

While cleaning out my closet this week I came across a Christmas dress that I had worn when I was a size 16. I was thinking that it would be reasonable to lose enough weight by December that I could fit into it again. Then I started thinking about how much fun it will be to go to my husbands work Christmas party this year as a new lighter me. He has always been so supportive of me and never once has he made me feel bad about my weight, but I can't wait to lose and look good and be healthy for him. It's that way with my kids too. They have never even so much as mentioned my weight, but I so badly want to be a healthier mom for them and not have all of the issues I have now from being overweight. I keep on saying that I am doing this for ME, but really, to be honest, I'm doing it just as much for THEM.

Hope you are having a great weekend! :)

Number Two is my Favorite

Here are 15 reasons why I am enjoying living a healthier lifestyle, in response to a challenge from Seth over at FITWITHAPURPOSE .

1. I'm setting a healthy example for my kids.
2. I have more energy.
3. I enjoy going to the gym.
4. I don't feel puffy
5. I'm excited to be free from high blood pressure meds
6. Watching my husband lose weight just from the lower calorie foods I'm serving
7. The Can-Do attitude that I have been sporting lately :)
8. Walking up the stairs at school is getting easier
9. I have goals
10. I have found this supportive, inspirational blogging community
11. I am not beating myself up about my weight, because instead I am doing something about it!
12. I'm seeing results on the scale
13. I am trying new things and that is fun!
14. I have been praying more.
15. I am happy.

I'm sure as time goes by there will be tons more reasons. What is there not to love about being healthy? I can't think of a single thing!

I have heard so much about the success of tracking my daily food/calories and with every past diet I have started to do it, but then I would quit. Since this time is different, I am just writing down the calories and not the food to make it extra simple.

I was just keeping track in my head, but I think this will work much better!

Have a great day! :)

Less a Cup of Coffee

Yesterday was weigh-in day. I am down one pound. (YAY!) Even though I know that this is a good amount to lose per week, I guess I was hoping that I would lose more at first. 1500 was where I had originally set my calories for, but on most days I am around 1700. So, I am going to try for one week to cut out my coffee(with creamer) which will be about 200 c. a day. We'll see how that goes!

It was hard to get up and go to the gym yesterday, but I did.
On my way out the door I threw that cake in the garbage!
As I was turning into the gym I got a little lump in my throat. Silly, I know. But, I was proud of myself that I was following through and not giving up. You know, not just thinking about it and talking about it like so many times before, but finally DOING IT! One day at a time! :D

I found/heard about a new trail that is close to my house. My husband and I are going to check it out tomorrow. It is 5 miles all the way around so it is something that I can challenge myself to work up to completing. The only problem is that halfway around there is a Starbuck's. I'll have to make sure I bring my willpower with me!

Thanks again for your encouraging comments. Hope the sun is shining wherever you are!

Pushing through the Pain

There is this area on the right side of my right calve muscle and it hurts every time I move. It is not so painful that I cannot walk or anything like that, just uncomfortable, sore muscle kind of hurt. Anyways, it is making it tough for me to get moving this morning. I have a zumba class at 10:30 and then I weigh in. My shoes are on, house is picked up, the kids are on the bus and it is beautiful outside. There is nothing holding me back. Yet, I sit here and battle with myself that maybe I should give my leg a rest or maybe I pulled a muscle. I'm sure that I am fine. This is what I do every time that I start to lose weight...I make a ton of excuses. Because I am tired (or maybe lazy) and I really just want to sit here and watch tv. Not this time though. All of these inspirational stories that I have been reading on blogs has made me want a story of my own!

Oh, and then there is this pain. HA! A pain in my butt, that has been sitting on the counter since yesterday. I hate wasting, but I think I am going to throw it away before it wears me down. I just have to keep remebering that "NOTHING tastes as good as thin FEELS"!

Well, I hope you all have a Happy Monday! I am going to go throw that cake in the garbage and then go enjoy my zumba class. I'll report back later on my weight loss. (I have hope!! :D )

Sort of a Wordless Post

I took my two oldest kids to the gym with me today. We had FUN!

Yikes.

Hope you are enjoying your Saturday! :)

Finally Friday!

At the gym yesterday:
I usually walk at 3.1 on the treadmill and I really wanted to try adding in some intervals of jogging. Last time I tried jogging on the treadmill I did not last even two minutes. It hurt/burned so bad. Yesterday I pushed past that burn and forced myself. Every five minutes I switched from 3.1 to 4.1 (4.1 has me jogging)and I would stay there for two minutes and then back down to 3.1. The machine shook(is this normal? because it was kind of embarrassing how loud it was), my legs, lungs and hips burned, my head hurt. But, I lasted for an hour! It was a decent workout :)

It is a beautiful day here and in about 20 minutes I am meeting with a friend to walk a trail in town. I am aiming to do the same thing as I did yesterday on the treadmill. I am hoping my friend will be game! I think I will enjoy it more outside...at least the treadmill won't sound like it is going to explode! HA!

Hope you all have a good weekend! :)

Thanks for the Motivation

When I started blogging I never imagined how much motivation and inspiration that I would gain from reading other blogs. Every morning I read the new posts on my blog list and I think...wow...I am not alone in this. lots of others are doing this too. DOING this!! Not just talking about it, but losing the weight and getting healthy and strong. It inspires me everyday and I just wanted to say THANKS for sharing and THANKS for encouraging me on my journey, too.

Today I went to a baby shower at Red Robin. I was running a little late and by the time I got there all of the chairs were taken and there were only a couple of booth spots left where everyone was sort of crowded together. oh, boy. Where the heck was I going to sit? These are the moments that I cannot WAIT to not have to deal with. I felt so uncomfortable because it can be a tight fit for me in a booth. Some are better than others, but at RR in some of their booths, my tummy touches the table. It just makes me feel really self conscious. Anyways, I sat. I ate(ensanada platter w/one chicken breast). I had fun. :) But, as I was scooting my way out after lunch I thought, you know what? It's ok that I feel uncomfortable. I want to acknowledge this feeling and think about it the next time I am tempted to go back to my old habits(eating too much and not exercising).

Oh, and I jogged/ran tonight!! Just once around the track, but for me that was huge. I could barely breathe when I was done, no kidding, it scared me a little. I did it! Didn't think I could and almost didn't, but I DID! And I am planning on going again on Saturday.
**Thanks to Keelie at REAL FAT for her post today that inspired me to try.**

Hope you all have a great Thursday!

My View and Bare Fruit

Still alot of rain going on here with the occasional sunbreak, but definitely a treadmill day. I am always happy if I am lucky enough to get one of the treadmills by the window...and if not, well, then I get to look at a wall! HA!

I have been looking for healthy snacks that I can carry around in my purse(so I am not tempted to get a "bad" snack). I found these little bags of dried fruit and they are GOOD!

And the calories aren't bad either!

And the Scale Said...

Down 1.6 pounds!! I just round to the closest number on my ticker, so I will go with 1.5. WoooHooo! I am a happy loser today :) I am not really noticing a difference in the way my clothes fit or anything like that yet, but I am FEELING better than I have in a long, long time. That is worth everything to me.

I also had my meeting with a trainer at the gym. She was very motivating and she had a weight loss story to share that really inspired me. We went through all of the machines so she could show me how to use them correctly and then she introduced me to the machine that I used for about a minute and almost  died   elliptical. I have actually used it before, but did not do well. For some reason it is just so darn hard for me to use that thing!! So, for now I will be doing the treadmill with intervals of running. She also suggested that I try to fit a yoga class into my week. We walked by the pool and while I know the exercises would be great for me...I do not even own a swim suit right now and I really do not feel like wearing one. I'll think about revisiting that thought next month! :)

After all of that I decided that my favorite workout is still to just take a walk outside in the fresh air. I love it. What is your favorite workout?

Random Weekend Stuff

What's for Breakfast. approx. 250 calories.

We did alot of walking in cloudy, windy and rainy weather and

made a trip to Whole Foods.

I ate pizza which was not in my plans, but I did only have two slices instead of five or six.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I also have an appointment with a personal trainer. I am hoping to get some advice on which exercises I should be doing that will promote the most weight loss. It came free with my gym membership so that is cool!

Hope you all had a great weekend! :)

What Was I Thinking? Oh, wait...I Wasn't!

Planning, shopping, counting calories-carbs-fat, dicing, chopping, measuring, portioning. I took special care yesterday to eat healthy and within my calorie range. Spent over an hour at the gym. Felt so good!

And then....without warning or thought.....



I ATE HALF OF A CHOCOLATE BUNNY!! :p


It just happened. And I didn't just have a small portion, which would have been fine. I guess on a positive note I could say -at least I didn't eat the whole thing!-

So, as of last night, all of the chocolate Easter candy is out of here. The other stuff like jellybeans and peeps can stay. They do not tempt me in the slightest. But you will find no chocolate here.

With that in the past I am off to the gym this morning to do a zumba class.

Have a Happy day! :)

A little Gloomy News and A little Good News

My annual physical has never been my favorite event, but this time I was looking forward to talking to my doctor about my "plan" and that I had already started losing pounds. He is really supportive and I knew he would be excited for me. The appointment went well and the nurse said that she would call with my test results. She just called. Good news is that my EKG is perfect! YAY for that! Bad news is my overall cholesterol is 246. Blah! and my vitamin D levels are very low. So, the doctor has prescribed me a statin (cholesterol lowering) drug. I usually follow his advice and so far he has not steered me wrong, but I just can't seem to make myself take this. Do any of you all have any experience with taking these drugs?

As of Monday, my weigh in day, I am down another 1.5 pounds! WoooHooo! I'll take it!!

Today I worked out with a friend that is in much better shape than I am. I was a little worried about not being able to keep up, but it turned out to be really motivating! The bad part is that I am dead. I have so much housework to do this afternoon before my munchkins get home from school and all I want to do is sit here and rest my sore body. HA! :) Feel the burn, baby!

I bought a sack of avocados today at Costco. I am looking for some yummy recipes to use them in. For lunch I experimented with some of my favorite ingredients:

1/2 avocado peeled, pitted and diced
1/2 diced tomato
2 oz diced grilled chicken breast
a little diced red onion
squirt a bit of lime juice
a few cilantro leaves
mix all together and serve in a romaine lettuce leaf.

So fresh and yummy! I counted it for approx. 275 calories.

Hope you have a great day!

Happy Easter to You!

Tuesday I made myself a promise that I would work out for an hour a day, for seven days straight. I just finished day four!
Wednesday...Zumba
Thursday...what I call 2 on 2 off - it is where you do the treadmill for two minutes and then two minutes on strength training (oh, and I also bowled with the kids, that counts right? :) )
Friday...I walked some seriously hilly Seattle terrain which left me with some painful calves (ouch).
Today...a "biggest loser" DVD and thought that said calves would literally die from the pain.
I have no idea how I will fit my hour in for tomorrow with all of our Easter activities!

Tomorrow is going to be full of fun, family, worship (and chocolate temptations) and it is the day before my weekly weigh in. I am going to focus on moderation, fresh and healthy choices and the fact that next year at this time I will be thinner, healthier and NOT shopping in the plus size section for my Easter dress! HA! :) I hope you all have a very Happy Easter!

(artwork provided by Vintage Holiday Crafts)

Choices

I took my kids to the movies yesterday. We went to see "How to train your dragon". As we were crossing the road to the movie theater I could smell the popcorn in the air. In the past when we would go to the movies I would get a lemonade, popcorn with butter and chocolate covered peanuts. I was rationalizing all over the place with myself why I should be able to get all of that....I did an hour of zumba, I would eat a really lite dinner, I hardly ever go to the movies...Yep...I am the queen of rationalization.

Then I stopped and thought- this is what I have been doing for years and if I don't stop NOTHING is going to change! I am not going to change. This was my choice.

In the end I was happy with my choice of an iced water and a kids size bag of popcorn with no butter. I didn't totally deprive myself, but I also didn't go overboard. It felt really good to pass by my old favorites and to know that I am changing. It sure is slow, but it's happening! :)

Lukewarm Efforts

Yesterday was my first weigh in (at least for this time around). I lost two pounds. I am happy about it, but I expected more from the first week. You know how usually the first week you lose a big number-lots of water weight. My husband made me feel better by reminding me that two pounds equals eight sticks of butter. That is pretty cool. :)

I feel like so far I have just been lukewarm in my efforts to become healthy. I am not on fire about it and I want to be. I need to make it a priority in my life and it hasn't been. My plan (which I am constantly revising!) I am going to make a new goal for myself each week. This week my goal will be to find time to exercise everyday. Whether it is walking around the neighborhood, doing a dvd workout or hitting the gym......I'm aiming for seven days!

My kids are on spring break this week, so it will be a challenge, but I just have to keep on reminding myself that I am worth it. I am worth taking an hour a day for myself!

My Zumba Experience

pic from mainebusiness

Yesterday, I decided to try Zumba. It is the big craze around here right now. Signs up around town for zumba classes in churches, senior centers, gyms, etc... so I had to see for myself what it was all about!

When I got to the gym I found my way to the room (the room of many mirrors! yikes) and found myself a spot in the back corner. I was feeling a little nervous when I saw how many very "fit" people were filing into the class. Hmmmm...should I make a run for it? No, I stayed.

The instructor asked if anyone was new and a few of raised our hands. She said that if we lost track of the moves- just dance. OK. I can do that!

The music was awesome! It was fun! I loved it. Very upbeat and just made me feel like moving. The moves were as difficult as you wanted them to be. Some people were doing a more intense dance and some more mild.

The best part is that I felt totally comfortable there, well, not so comfortable that I would want to be in the front of class! HA! But, definitely comfortable enough to go back!

After the hour was up I was a sweaty mess, so I know it was an effective workout. But, I do notice today that I am not "feeling it" like I do in my strength/aerobic workouts. I need to look up and find out how many calories I burned.

I am sure this may be old news to some, but I found these at the grocery store yesterday. They are only 110 calories each!!! I am a bagel lover so this was a happy find for me. I spread a little cream cheese on mine and then topped with a bunch of veggies! It made a great lunch.


Hope you all have a great weekend! :)

None for me Please

My family loves ice cream. At least every other night around 7:30 someone will ask when we are having dessert.

Last night when I got home my husband was dishing up the nightly dose of ice cream for everyone. I noticed that he had five bowls out, so I said, "None for me please" He looked surprised. "You don't want any?" I replied, "Nope!" He was so proud of me...went on and on about how strong I was. Thanks, hunny :)

Inside though I did not feel so strong. It was a huge battle. I wanted that darn ice cream so bad. WHY? It is just food! Why does it have such a hold on me? I deal with these kinds of battles all day. Temptations around every corner.

Sometimes, it almost feels like I am at war with food and I do not want to feel like that. I would like to get to the point where I am eating to live and not living to eat!

I love healthy foods and I notice if I have those choices around I will choose them over the junk. So that is good! I stocked up on lots of fruits and veggies and did not buy any new snacky foods.

But, the ice cream stayed. I need to find a healthy evening snack that I can have when everyone else is having their bowl of calories. Any ideas? :)

Out of Hiding

I ended up seeing my old friend that is visiting her family. It was a little uncomfortable for about the first minute (just in my mind I am sure!), but after that it was just like old times. In fact we are getting together again, but with our husbands, tomorrow night for dinner.

I can't believe that I was going to let my insecurities about my size get in the way of being blessed with a visit from a friend. But, that is just one more reason why I am dedicated to losing this weight.

It was such a beautiful day today and instead of going to the gym I decided to go on a walk. I have no idea exactly how far I walked, but I do know that by the time I turned around to head back to the car...I was exhausted! (Seattle is quite hilly!!) HA! I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. But, I did. My legs still feel a bit wobbly.

This morning I had the best breakfast at Starbuck's for 280 calories. The feta-spinach wrap.
I have to figure out how to make these at home! Yum.

*pic from starbucks website*

Thank you to everyone that has visited and/or commented on my blog. It has really been an encouragement to me and I appreciate you all so much! Thank you! :)

Hiding and Planning

Today I am hiding

Hiding from an old friend that is in town to see her family.

I have not seen her since I was a size 8.(loooong time ago!)

We keep in touch through facebook, but of course I only have cute headshots on facebook!

She still looks like she did twenty years ago.

I know, I know...it's what's inside that matters.

I know that. I really do. And it is true.

It would just be uncomfortable.

I feel bad about it though. ugh.

On a brighter note :)

I have started my meal planning. I have decided on sticking around 1600 calories per day. I am making a list of my favorite foods and their calories so I can easily pick and choose.

Do you all keep a daily food journal? Does that work for you?

Have a great day!

I Never Thought

that it would be this hard

to post photos of myself

but, here they are!

I guess I just don't see myself as large as I am. But when I look at these photos I can't deny the fact that I have a big problem. That is why I stray from being in photos. I just do not want to admit it. But, now here it is for the world to see! This is me.

Starting point: 150 pounds to lose
Pounds lost: 0 (my weigh-ins will be on Mondays)

Sabotage

I am not telling my family about my weight loss blog. It's not that I don't love them, or that they don't love me. We have lots of that going on, but for reasons that I may never understand...they always seem to sabotage my efforts at weight loss.

Last month for instance I told my mom on a Sunday that I was going to start a new weight loss plan (how many times have I said those words? many times!)

mom: "oh, when are you starting?"
me: "Now, today".
mom: "Good for you, I know you can do this!"
me: "Yep. Nothing is going to stop me this time."

Hmmmm...I wonder why it is that the very next morning she showed up at my house with a venti iced white chocolate mocha w/ whip? (that happens to be my favorite by the way)

mom: "I thought you might want one last coffee before you start"
me: "Thanks"

And you know what? I drank that coffee and felt horrible about myself. I know that I could have said no or dumped it down the sink, but I didn't.
It is not her fault nor was it her choice that I decided to drink it, it was mine. I blame no one else except for myself that I am overweight.

But, still!! When the people that I love find out that I am on a diet it is like they TRY to feed me! How weird is that? and why??

So, that is why I am keeping my blog and my weight loss to myself for now. This is my "sabotage free" zone! :)

That Feeling

Last night I was getting ready to go on a G.N.O (girls night out).

I showered, straightened my hair, put on a little make-up and then went to look for something to wear.

The dreaded question...What the heck am I going to wear?????

Oh, to be able to walk into that closet and just throw on something cute/hot/classy without giving a second thought to, how fat am I going to look in it, would be pure bliss I tell ya'(and that is why I am here!! I am going to make this dream my reality! :) ).

So, I finally decide on jeans and a shirt.

After I get dressed I have "that feeling". Have you ever had it? (I sure hope not cause it's no fun) The feeling that you are STUFFED into your jeans that you just had to lay down on your bed to zip!

That is how I felt last night. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but that is the feeling that I am working on getting rid of FOREVER!

I did have a great G.N.O anyways and stuck to drinking water and watching my portions just the way I had planned...tight fittin' jeans and all!

Monday is my weigh in/measurments/photo day.

Have a fun weekend!

Wait...I think I have been here before!

I was thinking this morning, while eating my oatmeal, wow...I have been doing this "losing weight thing" for a long time! Just thinking about all of the times that I have lost the weight and gained it back gives me a sick feeling inside.
Here are just a few of the roads I have traveled for the last 20 years...

dexatrim
Medi-fast
weight watchers x3
Prism
slim fast
my own "homemade diet" plans

I have lost weight on all of these and then gained it back (plus some). It is not the plans fault, some of them are great! It is my fault. I never REALLY changed, just masked the problem for awhile.

So, why is this time going to be any different? This time will be different because I am not going to "diet". I am making a lifestyle change. I have already joined the gym and started exercising 3 days a week. I am not going to deprive myself of any specific foods. The name of my game this time around is: MODERATION and EXERCISE :)

It will work!
It has to work!
Forty and fit here I come!!

Hope

My first ever blog post. Unchartered waters I am swimmin' in here! I thought this would be a great way for me to journal my weight loss adventures :) It just may be that I will be the only one to ever read these words, but hopefully it will help me to stay on track to be accountable to the goals and hopes that I write out here.

I want to:

be healthy
sit in any chair that I choose without the fear of it collapsing.
go shopping on the misses side of the store.
put on a bathing suit and take my kids to the beach or pool.
be in family photos that I currently hide from.
be an example for my girls.
not cringe when I notice my reflection.
love myself.

My weight has held me back from so much more than I have listed here. It is sad really. There are so many things that I avoid doing, people I avoid seeing, life I avoid living...because of this extra 150 pounds...because of the fat half of myself. Today is a new day and I have hope that it can be THE day that I change! I don't want to waste another day!